You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize