he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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