Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
