I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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