i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
