i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
