I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
