That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
