Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
