I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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