When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
