dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize