I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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