so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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