He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
