she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
