I think my vagina is haunted
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
