Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
