so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
