i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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