Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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