i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
