You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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