hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love having hate sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
