my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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