can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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