I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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