your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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