She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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