Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
