i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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