i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
