My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
