Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
