ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
