Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
