Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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