So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
