I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
