Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
