I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
