Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
