I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
