I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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