Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
