Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
