I wish I could teleport
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
