I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
