Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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