i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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