But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
