i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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