The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
