smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
