He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize