she woke up with a sticky ear
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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