im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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