You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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