guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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