he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
