Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
And then he peed in my hair
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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