Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize