At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
