Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
