i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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