She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
