i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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