Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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