Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
