This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
