also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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