I want to walk on stilts...naked
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
