the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
