My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All the doctor said was why
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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