dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
