I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so let's talk penis.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
