i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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