yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
